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Changes... and the anxiety that comes with it

It’s 5 am on a Saturday and I’m up getting ready for work. Forty-five minutes before my alarm goes off but the urge to write this is overwhelming.

I haven’t been sleeping much recently and I’ve put it down to anxiety. I have been feeling anxious about the changes that are happening/going to happen in my life in the coming months. Starting a new job (taking my business elsewhere) is daunting.

Change is scary and the thought of it makes us all uncomfortable at times. Life is so short which is why it’s understandable for people to remain in their comfort zone. Whether that’s in regards to work, living situation, a relationship - it doesn’t matter. It takes a lot of mental preparation to get yourself away from that. I’ve been a victim of my comfort at times. Staying in a relationship even though things aren’t quite right, not pushing myself enough at work, etc.

I do this because the feeling of a different routine or situation gives me feelings of anxiety. It shouldn’t take a toxic situation for us to want to take a leap of faith and ask the question “what else is out there?”. We are hardwired as humans to want the best for ourselves and the people we love, so why are we so fearful of the unknown?

Realising the worst someone can say to you is “no” will make you realise that nothing changes in your life. Rejection is not a step backward it’s just not the big step forwards you hoped it would be. Own your rejections, allow them to shape you. It will help you analyse what you could do differently on your next venture. Failure and rejection are the same things essentially. It hurts temporarily but you learn from it and you move on. We like the idea of certainty, it comforts us, gives us peace of mind. But it’s the uncertainty that helps us grow and progress in life.

We probably gain more from failure than we do from success. The failures that we experience usually teaches us about the flaws in our approach. We can use those failures to better prepare for the next leap of faith. We shouldn’t fear failure, failure is part of the process. The more we struggle and continue to push on to realise our dreams the greater the rewards.

Through the times where I felt my lowest, I would always ask the universe why I felt this way and why I don’t have any goodness in my life. I’d beg for a reason to keep going. I knew life wasn’t going to suddenly become easier but I needed a helping hand to guide me but it never reached out.

I wanted to be happy but I never really knew what that meant. Happiness, blissfulness how do I achieve it? Will the world ever give back to this insignificant being? I’m not special, unique or lucky. The answer to the questions above is simply: If you want to be happy then be happy.

I noticed the biggest change recently in my life. The writing of my blogs allowed me to expend negative feelings and turn them into positive thoughts and energy. I began focusing on making myself feel good, doing things for me, enjoying my own company as well as the company of my friends who’s friendships I have neglected.

All the tools were there for me from the beginning but I didn’t know how to use them or if I even could. My friends felt like they didn’t even know me after reading my previous blogs. They didn’t realise the suffering I went through but they do recall me not being very social for a while.

Going back to asking the universe for help - it was always there. I had to open my eyes and swallow my pride - what did I even have to be prideful about? I had to step up and be the main character in my own life.

Positive thinking and exuding positive energy has changed my life. It sounds ridiculous and you may cringe at the thought of smiling more (baby steps) but it works. If you start pumping positive energy into the world you will be more open to receiving and harnessing more positivity.

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